Exceptional Incompetence
by White Eyebrow
Summary: When it comes to dragons, Charlie Weasley is arguably the world's foremost expert, but when it comes to Apparition, not so much... This is a bit of fluff written for The Houses Competition, Year 5, Round One.


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This story was written for _The Houses Competition_, Year 5, Round One.

House: Gryffindor (The only house that matters)

Class Subject: Potions

Category: Drabble

Prompts:  
[Prompt] Failing a test  
[Event] Waking up with a cockroach on your skin  
[Speech] "Come here! You have to meet (him/her/Name)."  
[Character] Charlie Weasley

Word Count: 799

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Exceptional Incompetence

_BAM!_

Charlie Weasley was always a restless sleeper; this time was no exception. It was quiet outside where he lay, being propped against an overturned wheelbarrow—its contents of freshly picked crops were strewn about the surrounding grass. His eyelids fluttered as his head rested atop his upper arm, his ear pressed heavily against his bicep.

He flinched at the prickly sensation that moved from the side of his face to the skin of his outstretched arm. He stirred, and the odd sensation quickened along his forearm. By the time the effect reached his pressed ear, the conduction of sound waves travelling through the flesh of his arm lent to the perception of a stampede of galloping centaurs.

The galloping ceased at the precipice—his hand—and his fingers closed shut like a Venus flytrap. This action made his eyes snap open. With a groan, he sat up and opened his palm; the cockroach trapped inside twitched, being stunned.

His fingers instinctively closed around the insect as he noticed two older Muggles approaching, a man and a woman. The woman appeared agitated.

"Wilfred!" The old Muggle woman pulled her husband along by his arm. "Come here! You have to meet him."

"Why have you dragged me out here, Maggie?"

"There he is…." She pointed at the youth with red hair. "That's the leprechaun I told you about."

"He don't look like a leprechaun to me," Wilfred said. "He's just a bloke."

"How many blokes do you know that can materialize out of thin air?" Maggie said with her hands on her hips. "Almost landed on top of me, he did!"

Charlie sighed. "Terribly sorry about that… I will pay for any damages." Dazed, he carefully rose to his feet.

Wilfred narrowed his eyes at the young man as he took a puff from his pipe. "What's your name, boy?"

"Charlie, sir. Charlie Weasley."

"See there, woman. How many leprechauns go around named 'Charlie Weasley'?"

"Don't dismiss me! I know what I saw!" In a moment of epiphany, Maggie hid her hands behind her back. "What if he's here to pinch my wedding ring?"

"I assure you, madam, I have no interest in your ring whatsoever," Charlie said.

"Why not...?" She then gasped and punched the arm of the man next to her. "When you proposed, you told me this ring was solid gold, you lying old goat!"

The old man rubbed his affected arm, scoffing. "There _is_ gold in there woman… at _least_ a karat or three!"

_BAM!_

The couple flinched at the unexpected arrival of another man, seemingly out of thin air. He also had red hair and bore a familial resemblance to Charlie. "Ah, there you are."

Charlie smiled and greeted his brother. "Bill!"

The old woman screamed.

The old man dropped his pipe. "Leprechauns!"

"I told you!"

Bill Weasley levelled his wand at the couple "_Obliviate."_ And the two Muggles, thus entranced, turned and left in silence. Satisfied, he regarded his brother, noting the dirt and grass stains on his clothing. "Did you pass out?"

"Yes."

"It happens." Bill shrugged. "I vomited on my first Apparition test."

This, unfortunately, gave Charlie little comfort.

_BAM!_

The crack of the teleportation spell marked the arrival of an older wizard wearing a deep burgundy robe bearing the Ministry of Magic's official sigil. He regarded the two younger wizards, adjusted his glasses, and began writing on the clipboard he was carrying.

Bill put his arm brusquely around Charlie's shoulder, declaring, "I told you I could find him."

The ministry official paused to look up from his clipboard. "Yes, I can see that."

"How far off the mark was I?" Charlie questioned.

"Just a smidge," Bill replied.

"Five miles, to be exact," the official clarified. He continued writing on the clipboard. "You have the dubious distinction of setting a new record for distance off target."

Bill grinned. "Well, somebody has to be the best at being the worst, yeah?"

"Actually, considering that you Apparated this far off course without splinching is impressive," the official said, eyeing Charlie warily as he did so. "Nevertheless, I'm afraid I can't pass you."

Charlie lowered his head. "Please, don't tell the twins, Bill. They'll never stop taking the piss."

"You can count on me, brother. I'll take it to my grave; no one will ever find out… _ever."_

The older wizard gave an encouraging smile. "Don't take it so hard; it's not uncommon to fail on the first try." He tore the completed form off his clipboard and handed it to Charlie. "Better luck next time." He then proffered his hand in a conciliatory gesture.

"Cheers." Charlie shook the proffered hand.

_CRUNCH!_

Their hands unclasped. The ministry official slowly opened his palm, now slick with bug paste, and he frowned.

Charlie grimaced. "Er… sorry about that."


End file.
